What to wear on the first day of school. Who doesn’t stress out over that decision? Novelist Laurie Frankel was stressed out plenty about her first-grader’s first day, but the child was calm and certain. This September 2016 New York Times article describes what happened.
Read it here: Frankel, “’From he to she in first grade”
- Frankel’s essay presents a narrative of parenthood, a story of her child’s first days in first grade. Is Frankel also making an argument? If so, what is it? Using the templates and suggestions in Chapter 2 of your text, summarize Frankel’s argument. Do you agree with it? Why or why not?
- Frankel provides a detailed description of a very emotional family experience, yet her writing is spare and unemotional. Were you moved by her account? Why or why not? How well does she express her feelings about the experience? Why do you think so? Explain your reasoning.
- Frankel’s simple narrative actually includes a rather complicated They Say. In addition to reporting conversations she had with her child, she also reports imaginary conversations with other people. Where do these They Say elements occur? How well does she integrate them into her narrative?
- We know from the headline that the article will deal with a transition from “he” to “she,” so it shouldn’t have been a total surprise when that transition was described in the narrative. At what point in the essay does Frankel present it? What does she say? How effective is her description? Why do you think so?
- Frankel poses the question of whether we love our children best “by protecting them at all costs or by supporting them unconditionally.” Clearly, she opted for the second alternative. Do you think she made the right call? Why or why not? Would your response have been different if you had stopped reading right after that line? In other words, did Frankel’s essay influence your response? Why or why not? Write an essay responding to these questions, using Frankel as your They Say.
They Say I Blog 
Laurie Frankel explained how she was overwhelmed with what to dress her child in on the first day of school. In my opinion and with todays generation gender sexuality and discrimination is not okay. I know many people and have many of friends who had struggled with their gender. I am a firm believer of “you are born the way you are” and I’m not talking about if you were born a girl or a boy. As I kept reading the blog I found a post by Tisha, who’s child came out in the 8th grade. She was born a girl but never felt like she was. I believe if you are a girl and feel more comfortable wearing boy clothes or vise versa, then you should. Clothes should have no role and should not stop you or make you feel uncomfortable with who you are. Clothes are meant for you to express yourself and make you feel good about yourself. Being happy is one of the most important things in this world in my opinion and I want this world to be more accepting for others and yourself.
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This is a widely talked about topic in the world now and is becoming more accepted. I can’t be mad at any decision Frankel made about her own child and how she wanted to raise him. However, I agree with her decision. Personally whenever I have a child, I will love them unconditionally and allow them to make their own decisions. Not because I don’t want them to be safe but because it’s their life, and I will support any decision that won’t physically harm them. Having a closed mind about this topic is becoming outdated and will come up more often in today’s society. My response to my child would’ve been the same whether I read the article or not.
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I am going to take an unconventional approach to this discussion and flatly state that I cannot agree with the choices made by the parent in this situation. According to my beliefs, assuming a gender other than the sex you are born as is sinful. I would comment on the dilemma of this parent trying to decide what’s best for their child, but I believe that in a right world, this parent would have taught their child proper values and should have done their best to show the child the sinful nature of homosexuality and other gender affiliations. To clarify, however, I hold no hatred or contempt towards people that have gone down a similar path. I simply believe that these people are making a mistake and need some reform through God’s love. God bless.
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In her essay, “From He to She”, Laurie Frankel tells a story about an experience she had gone through with the decision that her son made. She then concluded with accepting her son’s change of identity. While I agree that Frankel allowed her son wear girls’ clothing, I cannot accept her overall conclusion that she accepted her son’s change of identity. In her essay, she mentioned her son was only 6 years which means that gives her right to decide for child. We live in a cruel world where problems are endless and transgender is just one of them. In fact, many transgenders today are still facing discrimination.Frankel could have prevented her son from experiencing this major problem which can possibly harm him physically and mentally in the future. However, she let it slide by merely accepting his desire to rule over his decision. On one note, speaking religiously, she overlooks the saying that,”God created Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve”.
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I find this article extremely admirable. I am not personally a parent but I could imagine the strength it took to let the child have all control and be who they truly wanted to be. In my opinion, this is how parenting should be. Parenting is about growth for both the child and the parents. By letting their kid express herself, they set her up for a strong future. There is no hiding or covering up who she truly is and no need to feel ashamed and I think that is beautiful. In many cases, trans children feel alone and the need to hide who they truly are, which explains why so many people come out as trans at a much later stage in life. If a child wants to dress “out of gender” they have every right to do so in order to feel comfortable in their own skin. If more people had an open mind like these parents, children would thrive.
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While Frankle’s recount of her child’s decision to become transgender and venture forth, is sensitive. The mere agree or disagree, in my opinion, is obsolete. However, what I do wish to capitalize on is that a child has an inability to make adult decisions do the underdevelopment of the frontal lobe. This is primarily the last part of the brain to develop and deals highly in regards to processing information as well as formulating a decision. For most, the age of completion, on average, is 25 years of age. While I am not saying that no decisions should be made prior to be 25 years of age, that would be impossible. What I am saying, is that it would be irresponsible of a parent to allow a child to make a decision that their brain can not grasp and comprehend. There is no error or fault in allowing time to pass on a decision and allowing a grown mind to make it.
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I always want my children happy. It’s hard for me to say what I would do in this situation. It’s easy to say what you would do, but until your in that moment, I don’t believe anyone really knows until it occurs. I would like to believe I would be able to support my child in whatever it was they wanted to do. But the thought of my child being bullied scares me to death. The thought of my child being unhappy all the time scares me even more.
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I agree with Thomas above on many aspects. I do also believe that children should have the freedom of expression but it is true about parents trying to be friends and the child living without boundaries. But, this is a very difficult situation to really discuss unless you have been in the situation. I am not quite sure how I would react if my son asked me to wear dresses to school. I am all for freedom of expression but I also would fear of the bullying and torment from the other children in school. I would definitely sit my child down and tell him that I will always love and accept him no matter what clothes he chose to wear or who he decides to love. I would make them wait until they are older to really decide for themselves on what they want to be or do. Same goes with girls not being able to wear makeup until they are a certain age. My child will respect my boundaries, while I assure them them that I do not believe it is wrong but they can do what they want at a more mature age. I almost feel contradicting but that is parenting 101 in my personal opinion. Do as I say not as I do. We as parents only want what is best for our children and can only protect them the best we know how. When they are older I can only pray they will understand why we made the rules we did and if he still wants to wear a dress, then go ahead and work that dress son!
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I fully agree with the way that Frankel handled the situation with her child. I personally believe letting your child have the freedom and ability to express themselves will guide them into growing into their true selves. I am not personally a parent, but I do hope that one day I would be able to make my child feel free to be themselves. To be honest, I do not think I would push my boy to believe that dresses are perfectly acceptable to wear in public, in fear that he would be bullied for thinking that way. It is said that society is the way that it is, but I do not think it will change for some time. With that being said, I would obviously be pretty hesitant at first about my son wanting to wear dresses to school, but again would fully accept it and love him no matter what.
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Frankel was faced with perhaps the most difficult decision of any parent’s life. She had to choose between protecting her child at all costs or supporting her child unconditionally. Even though it was the toughest decision to make, I believe she made the right choice. This is because her decision of supporting her daughter helped her daughter live her live to the fullest while providing her daughter with the comfort that she was accepted and loved by her family. Moreover, her decision helped her daughter become more confident in herself as well. Choosing the option that the author chose required immense courage because she was aware that everyone else outside her family might not exercise Intellectual Courage like she did. However, she prioritized her child’s happiness and had faith in her decision. In her article she expressed, “And we, as a family, decided to be open and honest about it, too, celebrating her story instead of hiding it” (Frankel). This implies that the author and her family not only supported their, now, daughter in every way they could, but they also celebrate her decision and journey. They chose to support their child regardless of all the expected hardships in the world. Also, all this because they loved her unconditionally. In addition, I do not know what I would have chosen. If I had not known about Frankel’s decision, I might be more inclined towards persuading my child into not wearing the skirt in order to protect him from any expected bullying. I, perhaps, would have reasoned with myself that my actions were in his best interest. However, after learning about the authors decision, which I wholeheartedly support, I am still very uncertain about the choice that I would have made in that situation. However, author’s decision gave me confidence and helped me realize that I should follow my gut and do what is right, which in this case would have been supporting the child.
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I agree that Frankles decision on letting her child wear whatever he wants to wear that would make him comfortable was the right one to make. It’s always hard as a parent knowing whether or not you should support your child if he wants to wear dresses instead of pants and a t-shirt. Knowing that it could cause other children to make fun of him. Do you support him or do you make him feel uncomfortable because you fear that the other children will make fun of him for dressing like a girl? The way the parents handled it was phenomenal. Sometimes you have to let your children choose for themselves and see what the outcome is. In most cases it turns out to be a lot better than you anticipated.
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I support Frankel in letting her daughter wear whatever she likes. I take care of my niece. She just turned 4. When it is time to buy her new clothes, she comes, and picks out her own outfits. I make sure everything she picks out is reasonable for the season. The outfit being season appropate is all I care about. Children don’t have many freedoms. They are told what they are going to eat, wear, when to sleep, when to go to bed. Giving children some power over their lives can help them gain more conference in themselves.
I feel that we need to keep gender out of it. I see some conversation about gender. I’m am very sorry to inform some people this but when you are a boy you are a boy. When you are a girl you are a girl. Only when you are a hermaphrodite, you are both.
I was gender confused as a child. I am a girl. I wore by clothes, all my friends were boys, I liked ”boy” toys. I remember asking my father what was wrong with me. It made so much sense after he said this
”Nae, you skateboard, wear big shirts and long shorts, you have all guy friends. That’s just you and what you like. The things that people say that make you a ”boy”:are just the things about you that make you, you. You are a girl and you’ll always be a girl. Your interest will never change that”
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I agree that letting your child dress in what they are comfortable because my experience growing up is that I was always more comfortable dressing in t-shirts and baseball shorts. I had hated dresses with a passion and only wore them to very nice places because of my mother. As I got older, I wore dress shirts and pants to nice places.
I agree with Laurie Frankel in her article “From He to She in First Grade” about supporting her child unconditionally. I believe that a person can always support their child unconditionally but a person can’t always keep their child safe. Getting hurt is a part of growing up. People can’t protect their child all the time because it is not possible but they can always support them unconditionally.
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I disagree with Frankel’s decision of how she handled her son’s gender confusion. Many children now grow up believing they are something they are not because of parents failing to direct and parent their children. Yes, a parent should love and support their kids unconditionally, but they still need to do their job as a parent and correct them when they are wrong. Playing dress up at home is one thing, but my mother never let me go to school in my firefighter costume as a child. She did her job as a parent and corrected me despite my efforts to keep my yellow helmet on. In today’s society this is a very controversial topic and it may offend some people, but in my opinion, it is a parent’s job to correct their children and not just let them do whatever they want and call it “supporting them”. Your children may not always like the choices you make for them, but that is your responsibility as a parent to make those choices to raise them into strong and independent adults.
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I completely agree with how Frankel handled things. You should always allow your child to express who they are. Parents always want to be able to protect their children, this is a normal thing to do, but there comes a time when you have to set them free and allow them to be who they want to be. I also agree with Trisha about when she says that role playing was a great idea, this prepared her for what people may say at school.
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I absolutely think that franky is making an argument because, he states something and then argues with the answer of how the other kids will treat their child if he goes around wearing dresses.I totally agree with her decision to let her child be a child regardless of how society sees kids these days. I was happy to know that he got to fulfill his true identity instead of hiding who he is. She expressed that at first she was a little skeptical about the green dress but, all we ever want is for our children to be true to themselves and always be who you are no matter what. She had a pretend conversation with her child to practice what the kids may say so thats the they say in this narrative. The transition from he to she came towards the middle and end when she says that he became comfortable enough to wear skirts to school and other places. Then finally after some weeks in school he finally decides to grow his hair out and become the little girl he wanted to be all along. I would’ve done the same thing for my child its mind over matter and I want my child to know that no matter what you can be whoever you want to be no matter what anyone says. I couldn’t agree more with the decision that was made.
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I agree with Morgan in that a parent’s job isn’t to persuade to have a certain job or be a certain kind of person but teach their children to be good human beings. When someone feels the unconditional love of a parent, it will not only teach their children to have that same unconditional love for their future children but teach them to have unconditional love to people who don’t necessarily agree with what they believe.
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With being a parent myself, I do understand that protecting your own child, or supporting their feelings is something very important to consider. I would want to be supported if I was the child, but I want to protect them from the world. The world can be super cruel. I understand parents letting their children do what they think they want to do, but what if they make decisions and change their minds later in life and get upset with their parents letting them make these grave, unforgettable mistakes.Sometimes, these choices in life can be so hard to even think about. Sometimes even hard to discuss openly with anyone because you do not want to be judged by the world. I wouldn’t be comfortable with my 9 year old son choosing to suddenly think he is supposed to be a girl. But he has been a boy and acted like a boy from his entire life. Now, if he came out as wanting to be a girl at around 2 or 3, I may look deeper into the situation. I would get him therapy to make sure this is who he was supposed to be or wanted to be. We would go from what the doctors say.
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I believe she is not posing an argument, but instead I believe she is just telling her story that she has experienced. Just as Faith stated, I believe you should have unconditional love for your kids and love them no matter what. If your kid wants to do something life changing then as a parent I believe you should support them to the fullest. There should not be any restrictions of what a kid can do with their life and parents should support their kids decisions.
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I don’t believe that Frankel is presenting an argument but more presenting anecdotal evidence of the events that happened in the life of her son who was dealing with the feelings of wanting to be a girl. Based on the psychological research done into the topic, this is a varied and very opinionated section of research that has people on both sides of the isle clamoring for one unified answer as to how we should deal with issues like this. I personally believe that it is a parents job to form your children into the people you want them to be, but that their own personal proclivities are things that you can’t do much to change. Dr. Jordan Peterson Ph.D, states in his book “12 Rules for Life: an Antidote to Chaos”, and aptly names a chapter of his book, “Do Not Let Your Children Do Anything that Makes You Dislike Them”. He goes into saying that it is your job as a parent to shape your child into a functioning unity that you don’t despise or have contempt for and that it is largely your actions during their formative years that will shape who they may grow up to be. I believe that while some children may want to “dress up” or “play like a girl” that it is important to realign your children in a mild way in order to get them to “fall in line”, for lack of a better phrase.
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In Frankel’s essay she not arguing as much as she is explaining the reasoning behind her actions. In Amy’s post she quotes Frankel’s essay,”Does love mean saying, ‘Nothing, not even your happiness, is as important as your safety’? Or does love mean saying, ‘Be who you are, and I will love that person no matter what’?” Amy uses this post as evidence of argument in Frankel’s essay but it has not made it an argumentative essay because Frankel merely references her mental battle.
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I don’t think Frankel was making a argument even though some would disagree. Her story of her child first days in first grade gave me more of an informative story. I agree with Morgan, the actions Frankel takes to ensure her child has a good school atmosphere to grow in. This to me feels like she is trying to help all current and future parents if they are faced with this situation. Morgan you said that the most important thing was the love shown. I agree to the fullest as tough as it might be. Showing your child that you love them regardless of what they decide to do with their lives or body.
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By picking the supporting them unconditionally, Frankel made the best choice. I agree with Jackson with that it is better to let them express what they wanna do. Kids are the happiest when they are able to do what they want, and what they love. My response wouldn’t be different because as a parent you need to support your child in every way. as with my little cousins I have seen them grow and mature into the kids they are today. One wouldn’t be as happy as he is today if my aunt and uncle didn’t let him play dolls with his older sister and me. he may be a boy but he still plays with girl toys sometimes. With Frankel, she allows her kid to be whatever they wanna be.
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As some others have mentioned above, Frankel showed above all else in the article, love and support for her daughter. While some people have criticized letting her child make a decision as massive as their gender identity at such a young age, because the child is not old enough to fully realize the potential consequences of their choices. I disagree, all she did was support her child, if one day her child changed their mind she would have supported them then as well. It’s about cultivating an environment of support and love around your child so they can trust you with the big things (such as Frankel’s daughter coming out as transgender) and the little things.
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As another individual had mentioned, Laura’s very young son came home stating that he wanted to go school dressed as a girl. After this, she begins to tell the story of how her family adjusted to the new ideas in their home. Laura talks about how she and her husband did not believe in clothing stereotypes, but did not want their child subjected to bullying. I don’t know if I personally would want my child to switch straight from basketball shorts to dresses. Laura states that she and her husband do not believe girls must wear skirts and dresses, so instead of putting their child straight into a dress, maybe a person could start by suggesting gender mutual clothing. I myself wear a lot of gender neutral clothes, I do not like to dress girly and I do not like to dress manly. I think the love and support Laura and her husband show their child by trying to understand how he/she felt and making an effort to make their feelings understood. I think all parents want the best for their child even if they don’t completely agree with how that child chooses to live and the choices they make.
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As mentioned, the author was facing a situation in which any decision you make could have bad consequences so you to understand where the middle ground is. I, just like you, agree with the fact that she made sure her son was completely ok with the consequences this decision of dressing like a girl and acting like one. The role she played in this situation was also very important because she looked at the overall picture and made sure that he knew all the things that could happen to him. Having a transgender child must be a hard situation to live in, I personally don’t agree with transgender but i respect the decisions of others as long as they respect mine.
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As suggested above, someone said they would rather dress their kids than letting them dress themselves but if your kid knows what he or she wants and what they want to wear then you should let them be who they wanna be and not force them to be something that do not wanna be and be comfortable and supportive of what they wanna do like the parents in the article were. Most kids are scared to come out and tell their parents because they are not supportive of the decision that they wanna make so they just hide it and go through things mentally because they cant be themselves.
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In response to LoganB,
There is an argument here, the author is jut not trying to shove it down your throat like some authors do. The way she presents it is. That its her choice to believe this and not necessarily this is what she believes and is just informing the reader about her view.
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I do believe that Frankel made the right call by “supporting them unconditionally”. Although it poses the question, should you allow you child to make their own decisions about their gender? I feel there should be a waiting time for the child to be sure about what they really want. As a parent, I understand how you would want your child to be happy and be comfortable with what they do. Frankel made me a little more understanding about the process.
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I consider myself to be a concretive person and me come from a traditional back ground in growing up in the south. And I do admire the love and protection she had for her child. And I how to have the same love for my children in the future but I do disagree with the life style she has chosen for her child. I judge people based of off their charter and the way she is building up charter for her child is admirable. But to make such a decision at such a young age can be considered foolish the chilled has not matured nor knows what he would actually be doing or the outcome of the session that they have just made.
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In my opinion, I do not believe that Frankel is making an argument specifically about what should be done when a child goes from she to her or vice versa, etc. I think she is just telling her story about choosing between protecting her child at all costs or loving them unconditionally. The fact that her son wants to wear the opposite gender’s clothes does not bother her, it’s the certain ridicule that accompanies this. Like any other parent, she worries about his safety and happiness. She faces the morale decision of keeping him safe, or making sure he is happy and comfortable in who he is. This is not an easy situation, and I could speculate on the choice that I would choose, but I really have no idea if I would make the same choice as Frankel in this situation.
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Laurie Frankel responds to the issue of whether or not parents should allow their children to where clothes that were manufactured for the opposite gender. As a parent, she made the choice to love her son unconditionally and allowed him to dress in “girly” clothes. She argues that even though fear may be present, a parent should support their child and allow them to express themselves however they see fit. She also challenges parents to allow their children to wear what they feel comfortable in, regardless of if it is uncomfortable for the parents. She shares her personal story of supporting her son in hopes to inspire other parents to do the same in that situation.
I agree with Frankel’s argument that parents should support their child and allow them to express themselves however they see fit. I have seen a mother disown her daughter because her daughter’s sexuality did not meet the expectations she had set. How is it okay to disown your child for something they cannot control? Instead of being selfish and pushing your child to be someone they are not, parents need to love and support their children unconditionally when it comes to factors that no one can control. Humans can express themselves in numerous ways, but the most common is by the clothes they wear. Every parent gets to choose what they wear every day so why should a child not have the same right? I believe that parents should allow their kids to be themselves openly because it will encourage their kids not to be ashamed of who they truly are.
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As Laurie Frankel says in her article “From He to She in First Grade,” she poses the question of whether we love our children best “by protecting them at all costs or by supporting them unconditionally.” While she opted for the second option, she made the right choice. I am not a mother yet, but I hope never to force this decision on my child when I become one. My love and support for my child will always come first over ensuring that they are protected at all costs, but they are unhappy. I understand both sides of the decision, but I also feel guarding my child at the expense of their happiness or comfortability is a bit too similar to “Mother Gothel” from the fable Rapunzel. I also think that it is in the best interest of everyone if you can confide in your child for their opinion, just like Frankel had given her child the option of wearing shirts and shorts again so other kids would not ridicule them. In the end, her daughter was able to make their own choice and get support from her mom, and isn’t that what matters most, doing things for the better for the future.
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In the article “From He to She in First Grade” Laurel Frankel writes about her experience with her son wanting to go to school dressed in “girl” clothing. Even though there was not a lot of emotion in her writing, I felt moved by what she was describing. It was obviously a difficult experience for her, but she did not want her son to see her fear. She made sure to ask him nonchalantly if this is something he really wanted to do. Frankel states two ways “they say” parents could handle this situation, the first being to protect their child from the possible ridicule and not let him dress how he wants. The second is to fully support their child and let him dress in what makes him feel the most comfortable. Frankel also writes about what “they might say” to her son when he dresses that way at school. It was clear from the beginning of article that her son would be wearing girls clothing to school. Frankel talks about her son wearing the dress, becoming more and more comfortable around people in it and eventually not wanting to take it off. I think her description of this transition is effective, she shows he son discovering the dress, putting it on, and becoming more and more comfortable wearing it. I think Frankel made the right choice in the way she handled the situation. Not only did she show her son that he was loved and supported by his parents, this showed him that it is ok for people to be who they are. I do not have children but, I would like to believe I would handle the situation in the same way as Frankel. We can not protect our children from every hurtful thing they might experience, but we can love and accept them for who they are.
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