In this August 2020 essay, Barbara J. King, a biological anthropologist and professor emerita at the College of William and Mary, shares the story of her child Sarah, who is nonbinary and agender. King pulls from her perspective as both a biological anthropologist and a mother to explore the cultural and linguistic resistance to nonbinary gender identity and presentation.
Barbara J. King, “My Nonbinary Child,” Sapiens, 21 August 2020
- One of the “standard views” that King responds to, both in her work as an educator and as a mother, is the binary idea of gender. Explain this “binary view of gender,” which King references in her essay. What understanding of gender does King offer instead? Identify another concept or issue that is often thought about in binary terms. How can that binary be disrupted to allow for greater nuance and complexity?
- King argues that “the multiplicity of gender identities is neither modern nor exclusively Western.” What does she mean by this? Look up one of the examples she gives in paragraph 12 to support your explanation.
- King weaves together the personal and professional in this essay, centering her story on her child yet bringing in academic research to support her argument. Identify where she uses a quote to bring a source into the conversation, a method discussed in Chapter 3. What strategies does she use to blend her words with the words of the person she is quoting? Why do you think she keeps these quotes relatively short? What effect do these short quotes have on the tone of her argument?
- One issue King discusses is misgendering people by using the wrong pronouns. How do she and her husband handle this issue with their child Sarah? What responses have King and Sarah received from friends and family? While King argues for Sarah’s right to choose their own pronouns, others, like Abigail C. Saguy and Juliet A. Williams, have gone a step further and argued that everyone should use they/them pronouns. Read their 2019 essay, and then respond to their argument by using one of the templates from Chapter 4.
They Say I Blog 
At age 26, Sarah realized that they are non-binary and agender. At first their mom was not sure how to think of this but after Sarah asked the question of “would you miss thinking in mom-daughter terms?”. After Sarah said this, their mom began to have a better understanding of how they felt. Before this, Sarah had come out to their parents as queer during college. Barbara J. King said when Sarah embraced their nonbinary identity, they began to feel “freer and lighter in the world”. King also stated that Sarah had not been treated fairly when they came out as non-binary. An example of this is when a deeply conservative family member called their parents and told them that Sarah was just going through a phase. During this call, the family members were being very disrespectful and purposefully using the wrong pronouns when referring to Sarah. This person ended up saying that since Sarah was born a girl, she should know she is a girl and remain a girl. This is crazy how we are already in the 2000s and people still are not able to even have basic respect over someone’s wellbeing.
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King talked about how gender itself is nonbinary instead of it being binary. She talked about how there are many ways to identify with gender that isn’t just your biological sex. She also talked about how non cisgendered people have to really be strong mentally because of how much they have to deal with cis people fighting them about who they are or who “they are meant to be”. This really takes such a toll on people’s mental health. King also talked about how gender being nonbinary is not just limited to this time because it had started a long time ago in different cultures. The gender spectrum has just been evolving over time. For example King stated: “Some Native American groups have a longstanding cultural practice of embracing different gender identities: the term two-spirit, for example, refers to expressions of nonbinary identity or sexuality.”
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In King’s article, she explains that body parts and physical anatomy do not limit the experience of gender. Gender is a concept that is often forced into binaries, when it should not be. The experience of gender does not fit into boxes, it is a spectrum and it varies depending on the person. King uses her child Sarah as an example, as Sarah is non-binary, agender, and uses they/them pronouns. She explains that accepting them as they are has helped them feel more alive and free in this world. Through accepting Sarah, King has begun to notice linguistic habits that require adjustment due to Sarah coming out. As King is a biological anthropologist, she has experience with teaching about the vast realm of gender. She explains the meaning of the term non-binary and how using terms applied to gender can mean different things depending on the person. She also explains the misconception that one’s gender expression has to correspond with gender identity.
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In Barbara J. King’s essay she informs us that there are many different ways to define yourself and how gender is nonbinary. Barbara tells the story of her daughter, Sarah, and how they came out as nonbinary. One if the issues Barbara King discussed was misgendering people by using the wrong pronouns. She talks about how Sarah has received many negative comments from family and friends. One included someone telling Barbara that Sarah was just going through a phase. While this was probably really frustrating to Sarah and her parents, Sarah had dealt with it in a mature way. I think that these comments from Sarah’s family and friends were not only unnecessary but offensive. Sarah is 26 years old so I am not sure how it could be just a “phase.” I think that people should respect those you decide to change their pronouns. Pronouns are important to people because it is a sign of respect of that persons gender identity. Calling someone by the wrong pronouns is offensive and can make them feel disrespected or “alienated.”
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